A Faith to Fight

What should I be doing right now that will get me where I want to be?
Who should I be helping and how? Who are “the least of these” and how can I help them?

What stupidly selfish questions.

Being so confident in thinking I can target where I want to be and who I want to become.
Being so confident in thinking I can come up with the right steps to get there.

What hubris to think I need to help anyone. I’m actually saying there are people less than me.
What, I’m somehow endowed with something special that can be used to help someone?

Classic messiah complex. And no, I’m not saying not to help. Not to grow.

So why am I writing this blog? Isn’t that the ultimate expression of hubris? “Let me show others what I think. Let me show them how to live. Let me help someone.”

Stupid.

I’m writing this blog for myself. To try and expose the selfish, egotistical hypocrite that I am. Expose the condescending life I live when living at my best, helping the most, and even growing for Jesus.

I’m finally ready to get off the hedonistic wheel of righteousness and become a better critic. To possibly get to a realization that my dreams really don’t matter. That my purpose is misplaced. That my striving has been in vain.

No, not to beat myself up. But to discover. To live in wonder. To possibly become free by shackling myself to something less.

I do hope this exercise helps me to become more transparent with myself. More vulnerable. Honestly, hoping that this does not bring any kind of recognition, but instead, accountability. Knowing that I’ve put myself out there. Knowing that I don’t care who knows what I really think and feel. Especially myself. Proving it to myself. Quietly hoping you don’t discover this. Not sure if that’s because of a fear of mockery or fear of thinking I’ll have to become something more because of it.

In the vein of John Mark Comer, Pete Scazzero, Dallas Willard, and many others, I’ll explore establishing a Rule of Life, stopping the maddening busyness, and rebuilding something better. There I go again, thinking I can somehow craft my way to better.

This blog will be couched in a Rule of Life. Succumbing to Comer’s simply restated “Be With Jesus. Become Like Him. Do as He Did.” No more and no less.

We’ll see where this goes, and to start, I feel compelled to call myself out. Call you out. Call out all Christians who’ve let themselves and this world become what it has. Is this what I should be doing right now to get me to where I want to be? To help those I should be helping. We’ll see.