Category: Current

Wednesday, September 10, 6:22 EDT – I published this site to voice my stance. To demonstrate the carrying of my cross.  Not to brag, but to hold myself accountable.

Wednesday, September 10, 2:23 EDT – Charlie Kirk gets assassinated.

Hell is in this world, with its pain, chaos, and confusion.  Heaven is here also, in its peace, joy, and reconciliation. Some days, there’s just confusion. Some days, the peace and joy shine through. Most often, the two dance. The power and glory of God, along with Satan’s destruction.   

It’s not a fair fight, nor is it ultimately consequential while it plays out.  Since the outcome is already sealed. So, do I just sit and watch the unfolding of time, awaiting the annihilation of hatred and destruction? The eternal damnation of those who steal, kill, and destroy? Obviously, no. 

Solace comes in knowing that Charlie is fine.  Though incomprehensibly painful for Erika now, she will be fine. The principalities of this world will fall, with much pain in the process, but those of us on the side of Heaven will be fine. Since all will be fine, what am I to do?  Something surely, since doing nothing is being nothing.

Somehow, God has helped me shift from an angry, destructive feeling of hatred for all things “liberal”.  A hatred of anyone desiring to kill, or find joy in the killing, of a friend in Jesus.  A friend who only wanted to help people. A friend who strove to know Jesus and become like Him.  A friend of the First Amendment, designed to sustain God’s peace.

Though my heart breaks for what could have been for Charlie. And breaks for Ericka’s journey. But it’s lifted in knowing where Charlie is, and that He’s walking closely with her.

So, again, what am I to do?  Nothing, knowing that in the end, all will be resolved?

I am to love those who are on the side of Hell and destruction.  Not a love cloaked as a blanket of forgiveness.  Not a watered-down love, compromising the Word of God, Jesus’ example, or the Holy Spirit’s prompting.  Instead, a love accompanied by appropriately applied justice.

Most importantly, I need a heart that breaks for those trapped in the clutches of Hell, those who are living in the chaos and reacting to it. Lord, help me love them as You love me, and help me to say and do the things that will allow them to see who You are.  Not condoning them or what they’ve done. Not pitying them for becoming trapped, because they’ve done their part. Lead me, Lord, to reach out with Your hand to touch their heart.  Give me the courage and boldness to express You. Give me the discipline to learn about who You are as my example.  Give me the humility to know that I am nothing, as I also live in this chaos, being confused and far from perfect.  More similar than not.  Give me the strength to run from my own evil desires, and the fortitude to keep running.  Purify my heart and fill me with a holy peace and joy that only you can provide. A peace and joy that can be partaken of by those on the other side so that they can taste and see that You are good. All in grace, mercy, and justice, in your measures and timing.  Not my will, Lord, but Yours be done.    

What should I be doing right now that will get me where I want to be?
Who should I be helping and how? Who are “the least of these” and how can I help them?

What stupidly selfish questions.

Being so confident in thinking I can target where I want to be and who I want to become.
Being so confident in thinking I can come up with the right steps to get there.

What hubris to think I need to help anyone. I’m actually saying there are people less than me.
What, I’m somehow endowed with something special that can be used to help someone?

Classic messiah complex. And no, I’m not saying not to help. Not to grow.

So why am I writing this blog? Isn’t that the ultimate expression of hubris? “Let me show others what I think. Let me show them how to live. Let me help someone.”

Stupid.

I’m writing this blog for myself. To try and expose the selfish, egotistical hypocrite that I am. Expose the condescending life I live when living at my best, helping the most, and even growing for Jesus.

I’m finally ready to get off the hedonistic wheel of righteousness and become a better critic. To possibly get to a realization that my dreams really don’t matter. That my purpose is misplaced. That my striving has been in vain.

No, not to beat myself up. But to discover. To live in wonder. To possibly become free by shackling myself to something less.

I do hope this exercise helps me to become more transparent with myself. More vulnerable. Honestly, hoping that this does not bring any kind of recognition, but instead, accountability. Knowing that I’ve put myself out there. Knowing that I don’t care who knows what I really think and feel. Especially myself. Proving it to myself. Quietly hoping you don’t discover this. Not sure if that’s because of a fear of mockery or fear of thinking I’ll have to become something more because of it.

In the vein of John Mark Comer, Pete Scazzero, Dallas Willard, and many others, I’ll explore establishing a Rule of Life, stopping the maddening busyness, and rebuilding something better. There I go again, thinking I can somehow craft my way to better.

This blog will be couched in a Rule of Life. Succumbing to Comer’s simply restated “Be With Jesus. Become Like Him. Do as He Did.” No more and no less.

We’ll see where this goes, and to start, I feel compelled to call myself out. Call you out. Call out all Christians who’ve let themselves and this world become what it has. Is this what I should be doing right now to get me to where I want to be? To help those I should be helping. We’ll see.